I Miss Fotolog.
Remember when Fotolog was accessible and fun? Like right now I am watching "You've Got Mail" that movie...with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. Like, remember when it was fun and exciting to get email? I write emails to Bernie, but he rarely responds. Something about the written word is special. He's not a writer more of a doer. That's better in reality. Bernie represents REALITY to me. I've been guilty of living a fake-ish life. Always keeping my relationships at arms length. Feeling too busy to let any one inside my world, yet wanting so much to share my life. I want to change my fake-ish behind the screen life.

I've never been close to anyone in my life. I'm happy, and a little afraid sometimes that Bernie has become a big part of my life. Hes really unbeliveably great. But you know what? So am I. I know this. My life is busy and sometimes overwhelming...however, I know I have something special to offer. I just know it. I don't know what, or maybe its something I do that I am unaware of, but its something special I know. And thats that.

I've been feeling unsettled because of work and money and the weather. I'm not going to let that rob me of my me-ness. ummm...I still see the moonlight and gaze upon it with wonderment. I see the cerulean sky and marvel at its neverending blue-ness. Sun and air. Spirituality still strong. I let the past, mine and his...creep into my mind and upset me. How silly! That was then..this is now. Now is wonderful and I am optimistic and excited.