Been having a rough couple of weeks. Not sure why but I think part of it is lack of control and concern about the future. Uncertainty. Grasping for a plan. I hate that mood. I'd rather be in the moment and go with where life takes me. I guess when things like home and family are concerned, I get a bit more edgy. Lots of variables and choices and concern for "doing the right thing" for everyone.

Im surfing the web on one of Meetup's partners, Townhall_Heritage_Society
and I come across a link "The True Meaning of Patriotism" writen by Lawrence Reed of the
Mackinac_Center a conservative think-tank based in Michigan (maybe check Mr. Reeds opinions for WHY Teacher's Unions should be abolished and his hatred for the National Endowment for the Arts.)

Noted within the text is a quote from Emma_Goldman arguably the Mother of Anarchism.

The quote sounds to me exactly what the Bush Administration is promoting with the continued preposterous invasion of Iraq and certainly not what Mr. Reed had intended within his documentation.

Interesting.

Word of the Day for Saturday June 26, 2004

woolgathering \WOOL-gath-(uh)-ring\, noun:
Indulgence in idle daydreaming.

Similarly, in the meadow, if you laze too late into the
fall, woolgathering, snow could fill your mouth.
--Edward Hoagland, "Earth's eye," [1]Sierra, May 1999

It would be easy to slip off into woolgathering and miss a
deadline.
--Jeraldine Saunders, [2]Washington Post, March 4, 2004

Plagued by guilt, they took refuge in wine, women, and
woolgathering.
--Brennan Manning, [3]Ruthless Trust

The soprano roused Fergus from his woolgathering.
--Sandra Brown, [4]Where There's Smoke
_________________________________________________________

Woolgathering derives from the literal sense, "gathering
fragments of wool."

Meetup made TIME MAGAZINE'S list as one of the


50_Coolest_Websites

Word of the Day for Friday June 25, 2004

ab ovo \ab-OH-voh\, adverb:
From the beginning.

I will begin ab ovo -- at the very beginning.
--[1]War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy

The performers do not have to discover these techniques and
processes ab ovo; they learn them from the previous
generation, who learned them from their predecessors, and
so on.
--William L. Benzon, [2]Beethoven's Anvil

Dick Cheney attempted to pull the wool over our eyes, ab ovo:

Dick Cheney's former company, Halliburton, was awarded a no-bid contract worth over $7 billion to help rebuild Iraq. The process for awarding this rare and lucrative contract was coordinated by Dick Cheney's own office in the White House. [Time, 5/30/04] Dick Cheney still receives deferred compensation from Halliburton, showing a lingering financial interest in the company. [Washington Post, 9/26/03; Richard B. Cheney Personal Financial Disclosure, May 15, 2002]

* Vice President Dick Cheney was Halliburton's CEO from 1995-2000. In addition to providing him with a massive salary and bonus for just eight months of work in 2000, Halliburton's board of directors voted to give Cheney a $20 million retirement package when he resigned. Following his departure from Halliburton, Cheney retained possession of 433,333 options of Halliburton stock. [Washington Post, 9/26/03; Richard B. Cheney Personal Financial Disclosure, May 15, 2002; May 15, 2003; New York Times, 8/12/00; LA Times, 7/24/00; AP, 7/18/02]
* For months, Cheney denied any involvement in Halliburton contracts. On "Meet the Press," he even said "...I have absolutely no influence of, involvement of, knowledge of in any way, shape or form of contracts..." [NBC News, "Meet the Press", 9/14/03]
* Time Magazine recently reported on a smoking gun email between the Department of Defense and the Vice President's office showing that Cheney's office "coordinated" a multi-billion dollar, no-bid government contract for Halliburton, his former employer. [Time, 5/30/04]
* As an example of overspending, Halliburton billed the government for 36 percent more meals than were served. In all, Halliburton charged $186 million for meals that were never delivered. [Detroit Free Press, 6/16/04]
* A Halliburton subsidiary was criticized for abandoning numerous $85,000 trucks with flat tires, housing company officials in a five-star Kuwaiti hotel, raising prices for gasoline deliveries in Iraq and ordering empty trucks to crisscross the country to run up the gas bills. [Detroit Free Press, 6/16/04]

Word of the Day for Thursday June 24, 2004
.

pin money, noun:
1. An allowance of money given by a husband to his wife for
private and personal expenditures.
2. Money for incidental expenses.
3. A trivial sum.

Women's groups have contended that jobs that usually go to
men pay more because of the old-fashioned idea that a man
is supporting a family while a woman is merely working for
pin money.
--Juan Williams, "A Question of Fairness," [1]The Atlantic,
February 1987

Many young people take jobs in hotels and pubs as a way of
earning a bit of pin money, or to top up the student loans
and parental hand-outs that see them through the
cash-strapped college years
--Nick Pandya, "Failed to make the grade? You're still
wanted," [2]The Guardian, September 7, 2002

A record-smashing fine sounds tough, but it's pin money for
Credit Suisse.
--Nick Cohen, "Life in a bubble bath," [3]The Observer,
December 22, 2002
_________________________________________________________

Pin money originally referred to money given by husbands to
their wives for the specific purpose of buying pins.

References

1. http://www.theatlantic.com/
2. http://www.guardian.co.uk/guardian/
3. http://observer.guardian.co.uk/

Word of the Day for Wednesday June 23, 2004

delectation \dee-lek-TAY-shun\, noun:
Great pleasure; delight, enjoyment.


Last night I was in such a funk...life and work. Mostly work, having to work instead of enjoying the summer with my children and Bernie (he is a teacher...off summers!)

I decided, having a few free minutes between dusk and twilight to photograph the sunset through the haze and find great delectiation (not sure if I am using this word correctly) through photography.

I feel better today. Maybe because the sun is out?

Word of the Day for Tuesday June 22, 2004

jeremiad \jair-uh-MY-uhd\, noun:
A tale of sorrow, disappointment, or complaint; a doleful
story; also, a dolorous or angry tirade.


So far this morning I've had water pumping problems. Oh the joys of Well and Septic.
Luckily, Bernie will be able to take a look later. I wonder what it would be like to live in a house that didnt experience water and sewer issues several times a year. How incredible it would be to not have waste exploding in my back yard, showers and washing machines overflowing. Not to mention the heating and cooling issues, dust and cobweb over-abundance and general ghetto-ness.

Im not sure life has to be this difficult in the 21st century.

you want to know what else sux?
went you inadvertently knock your brand new $50 bottle of makeup off the bathroom sink and it shatters on the tile floor spewing beige bisque all over the place. Then...spilling the end of your power shake on your brand new sneakers...

I took an earlier train today. What a difference. It was SRO from Red Bank. Im not doing that again. The crowds slowed down the commute. I was only like 5 minutes earlier to the office.

You know what sux? When you suddenly realize you have turned into an ATM machine for your teenaged daughters.

These girls have a much fancier lifestyle than I do. Waxings, hair styles, coloring, new wardrobes, manicures, pedicures....front row seats to see ASHANTI and limo rides to Sweet Sixteen parties in grand ballrooms...and so on ad infinatum.

In the past 5 days I've spent a good portion of my paycheck providing the bare necessities of these activities.

How did they get to be so damned popular and why did ripped up old levis have to go out of style?

okay ma, back to the VNA Thrift for your summer wardrobe. give me strength!

Happy Father's Day!

We had a good family day today. Unfortunatly Bernie wasn't feeling well, but I think he had an okay time of it after all.

Jeff_Buckley

Grace
(1994)

Lover, You Should've Come Over

Looking out the door i see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water
And maybe i'm too young to keep good love from going wrong
But tonight you're on my mind so you never know

When i'm broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
Where are you tonight, child you know how much i need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run

Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun
And much too blind to see the damage he's done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one

So i'll wait for you... and i'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return
Oh will I ever learn

Oh lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never come

It's never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
It's never over, all my riches for her smiles when i slept so soft against her
It's never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
It's never over, she's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

Well maybe i'm just too young
To keep good love from going wrong

Oh... lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Well I feel too young to hold on
And i'm much too old to break free and run
Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage i've done
Sweet lover, you should've come over
Oh, love well i'm waiting for you

Lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Jeff_Buckley

Grace
(1994)

Lover, You Should've Come Over

Looking out the door i see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water
And maybe i'm too young to keep good love from going wrong
But tonight you're on my mind so you never know

When i'm broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
Where are you tonight, child you know how much i need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run

Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun
And much too blind to see the damage he's done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one

So i'll wait for you... and i'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return
Oh will I ever learn

Oh lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never come

It's never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
It's never over, all my riches for her smiles when i slept so soft against her
It's never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
It's never over, she's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

Well maybe i'm just too young
To keep good love from going wrong

Oh... lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Well I feel too young to hold on
And i'm much too old to break free and run
Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage i've done
Sweet lover, you should've come over
Oh, love well i'm waiting for you

Lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

The Canticle of the Sun
by St_Francis_of_Assisi

Most high, all powerful, all good Lord! All praise is yours, all glory, all honor, and all blessing. To you, alone, Most High, do they belong. No mortal lips are worthy to pronounce your name.

Be praised, my Lord, through all your creatures, especially through my lord Brother Sun, who brings the day; and you give light through him. And he is beautiful and radiant in all his splendor! Of you, Most High, he bears the likeness.

Be praised, my Lord, through Sister Moon and the stars; in the heavens you have made them, precious and beautiful.

Be praised, my Lord, through Brothers Wind and Air, and clouds and storms, and all the weather, through which you give your creatures sustenance.

Be praised, My Lord, through Sister Water; she is very useful, and humble, and precious, and pure.

Be praised, my Lord, through Brother Fire, through whom you brighten the night. He is beautiful and cheerful, and powerful and strong.

Be praised, my Lord, through our sister Mother Earth, who feeds us and rules us, and produces various fruits with colored flowers and herbs.

Be praised, my Lord, through those who forgive for love of you; through those who endure sickness and trial. Happy those who endure in peace, for by you, Most High, they will be crowned.

Be praised, my Lord, through our Sister Bodily Death, from whose embrace no living person can escape. Woe to those who die in mortal sin! Happy those she finds doing your most holy will. The second death can do no harm to them.

Praise and bless my Lord, and give thanks, and serve him with great humility.

(translated by Bill Barrett from the Umbrian text of the Assisi codex.)

angela, your subconscious mind is driven most by Peace

You are driven by a higher purpose than most people. You have a deeply-rooted desire to facilitate peacefulness in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with love ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to influence the world.

You are driven by a desire to encourage others to think about the positive side of things instead of focusing on the negative. The reason your unconscious is consumed by this might stem from an innate fear of war and turmoil. Thus, to avoid that uncomfortable place for you, your unconscious seeks out the peace in your environment.

Usually, the thing that underlies this unconscious drive is a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it. As a result, your personal integrity acts as a surrogate for your deeper drive toward peace and guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Peace, there is much more to who you are at your core.

"America is a land where every day dreams become possible and where everyday people achieve the impossible. They ask only for a government that believes in America's ideals as much as they do. And we are going to build a nation where the American Dream is more than a phrase, it is a destination and a destiny we are committed to reaching - together."
-- JOHN KERRY

Very Popular out West.

I miss "The world beyond New York" Its been a while since I went anywhere. If memory serves, I think we drove to Florida for easter in 03. My Dad flew up and drove down with me because I didn't want to drive alone.

Its good to get away from the mighty east coast to get perspective on how the rest of the world lives. We live a charmed, excessive exsistance. Life just really isn't like we live it any where else.

Visiting Europe made me really appreciate the USA. As much as I love the lifestyle and culture, I felt the class system at play. I've always felt that here in America, everyone has the opportunity to be whatever they want to be, no matter who you are. If you want it bad enough there is a way to be it, get it...etc.

Our biggest sin is laziness.

This weekend I got really really sunburned. Last night I woke up around 3am in a panic...my skin was hurting so much...I felt nausea, pain so bad, I felt like I was going to break out in hives. I took 4 Advil, reapplied a ton of Aloe Vera and went back to sleep. Im glad that worked. I can function now. I thought I might not be able to go to work today...at 3am.

I'm reading Arabian Nights or One Thousand and One Nights. Im not sure who wrote it. Its a group of persian tales told by Sheharazade to her Sultan. She bought her life by telling stories for one thousand and one nights. Google Sheharazade.

"Elevation"

High, higher than the sun
You shoot me from a gun
I need you to elevate me here

A corner of your lips
Is the orbit of your hips
Eclipse
You elevate my soul

I've got no self control
Been living like a mole now
Going down, excavation
Higher now, in the sky
You make me feel like I can fly
So high
Elevation

A star
Lit up like a cigar
Strung out like a guitar
Maybe you can educate my mind

Explain all these controls
Can't sing but I've got soul
The goal is elevation

A mole
Digging in a hole
Digging up my soul now
Going down, excavation

Higher now
In the sky
You make me feel like I can fly
So high
Elevation

Love
Lift me out of these blues
Won't you tell me something true
I believe in you

A mole
Digging in a hole
Digging up my soul now
Going down, excavation

Higher now
In the sky
You make me feel like I can fly
So high
Elevation

~U2

Why don't "they" put his head on the US dime...Ray Charles contributed a heck of a lot more to the happiness and emotion wel-being of the American public.

Regan_was_the_butcher_of_my_people

Today was really really really hot. Hottest day of the year so far. On the way home, the train was a nightmare. First it was late. Then power failure underground. All the while wedged between a very overweight woman and a kid talking non-stop on his cell. 3 housewives who went to see a show sat behind me babbling incessantly. In front a woman was yelling at her daughter via cell, all the way home. This is 1.5 hours on non-stop yapping along with train roar and AC whirl. The sun also unrelentlessly beat in.

I wanted to die when I got off that train. I felt like a zombie.

Today is my brother, Chris', 41st Birthday. Happy Birthday, Chris.
He lives with my parents in FLA. May 16 was my Father's 68th birthday and I forgot to send him a card or even to call. I did call 5 days later when I remembered.

So now, I feel like I better not call Chris, or my Dad will feel even MORE neglected. I don't have Chris' new cell phone number, either. Oh well. I guess I will wait 5 days and wish him a happy belated birthday ;-)

Just kidding...he reads my blog almost everday!

----

Yesterday I took the subway (whoa. I hate the subway, being claustrophobic) uptown to the Capezio Theater Store to buy leotards and special dance tights for Pherrin. I took a few good photographs before the memory was used up in Bernie's awesome camera that I am borrowing.

I was drifting in and out of sleep in wonder of you. I knew what I needed to know: that you were beside me, had touched me, body and soul, that I was in love, an impossible miracle. You. The miracle of you.You were there beside me, real, in the flesh, warm in my arms Both of us, knowing everything that could not be said, cannot be ever, but moments like this when saying doesn't matter, would be superfluous. Nothing else separating us. Nothing at all. Only connecting. No words for it. I never knew delight before that moment. Wonderful. And it was. Full of wonder, My world wrapped here in my arms. Your heart beating stedily as you sleep, the constant comfort of your breathing continues through the night. Hearing the rain in the darkness. Our comfort complete.

Non-Compelling Weekend

It rained all weekend which was general cause for relaxation.

We were creative with food this weekend. Kate, John and I made homemade rocky road ice cream, Rice Krispy Treats and chocolate chunk cookies. We made collages from magazine cut-outs and watched movies.

Bernie was with us all of Saturday and some of Sunday. Genevieve was away with her cousins. It was so wonderful to have extended time with him, on these rainy few days non-compelled to work on outdoor projects or go anywhere or do anything other than be simply be in each others presence.

SUPER_SIZE_ME

Less than Love is Nothing

"Don't let him take your love for granted
Don't think that he's the only one
There's more to love than keeping time
More to reason than the rhyme
So listen, just listen;

Less than love is nothing
And nothing is not enough
And more than anything
I wish you love
Less than love is nothing
And nothing is not enough
And more than anything
I wish you love, wish you love"

'Cause there might be love around the corner
These streets have seen it all before
They've seen every up and down
Every callous lucky clown
Mistaken, and sorry now

'Cause less than love is nothing
And nothing is not enough
And more than anything
I wish you love
Less than love is nothing
And nothing is not enough
And more than anything

I wish you well I wish you might
I wish you were alone tonight
I wish that I could leave the past behind
For once, I wish that love would last

~Johnatha Brooke

Today.

Today, my car got whacked in the L.S. Train Station parking lot.
Today, I had to be a tough manager.
Today, I forgot to bring boca burgers to a bbq.

Today, Bernie popped out that dent in my car!
Today, I had a great long talk with my fav co-worker
Today, Bernie went out an bought me two flavors of soy burgers to choose from.

Today was cloudy and rainy, then the sun shone.