Good Morning. I haven't felt much like writing lately. Everything is great, except for the snow....but you can't do anything about Mother Nature except accept it.

Stay warm.

Dean_Goes_Nuts

You know quite well, deep within you, that there is only a single magic, single power, a single salvation... and that is called loving.

Hermann Hesse

Star star teach me how to shine shine
Teach me so I know what's going on in your mind
'Cause I don't understand these people
Who say the hill's to steep
Well they talk and talk forever
But they just never climb

Falling down into situations
Bringing out the best in you
You're flat on your back again
And star you're ever word I'm heeding
Can you help me to see
I'm lost in the marsh

Star star teach me how to shine shine
Teach me so I know what's going on in your mind
'Cause I don't understand these people
Who say we're all asleep
They'll toss and turn forever
But no rest will they find...

The Frames

Harvest Moon
by Neil Young
(for my old dear friend and her new old dear friend)

Come a little bit closer
Hear what I have to say
Just like children sleepin'
We could dream this night away.

But there's a full moon risin'
Let's go dancin' in the light
We know where the music's playin'
Let's go out and feel the night.

Because I'm still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I'm still in love with you
On this harvest moon.

When we were strangers
I watched you from afar
When we were lovers
I loved you with all my heart.

But now it's gettin' late
And the moon is climbin' high
I want to celebrate
See it shinin' in your eye.

Because I'm still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I'm still in love with you
On this harvest moon.

One Dog Night

White cold ground matches the sky
days and days of endless icy grey
Like the June of never ending rain

Cloud covers my spirit
remote eyes canvas nothing
ceaseless gloom

Silence of winter
harsh frozen earth
no life nor sound

Nature's freezing hibernation
How I long to see one yellow dandelion
one call from a passing bird

one warm ray of light from the sun
wash away this grey that hurts my eyes
and makes my soul cry out.

Bitterness untouched
bracing chill cuts though skin
burns my flesh wicked wind.

Another starless night ahead
no moon, just more arctic sleep
lonely dreamless slumber

wake another bleak morning
to do nothing again but watch
alone, the one-dog night.
~a.o.

From our man in New Hampshire:

Last minute shoppers, take heed. Here in New Hampshire the hour is
nigh.

This is full up major media. Very different vibe from Iowa. This is a
total frontal eastern establishment event. They're ALL here. Plus,
the
story has mushroomed over the week since the surprise(s) last Monday.
Gripping drama making great TV. The story is rewritten every 6 hours.
"Dean's toast." "This race could go all the way to super Tuesday March
2."
Polls running amok. 25% still undecided. Tough decisions.

At the moment: Kerry peaking; Dean bouncing; Edwards flying; Clark
pleading;
Lieberman praying. Stay tuned! It'll be different by noon tomorrow.

Meetup is again a major part of the sub story. Meaning of the Internet
in
this election cycle. Looming convergence of democrat presidential
meetup
populations!

Yours from the front,
Don Means
Meetup
Sr. Political Advisor

Sorry, but you have to love
The_Darkness They totally crack me up.

SNOW AGAIN!
Well, this is getting really depressing. Its snowing again here in Central NJ. Schools are closed, trains are delayed and its another big mess. The worst part is that the ICE from the previous snow is still underneath. My driveway is tretcherous.

THIS is what I have in store for the next week.

I live on a large piece (large for NJ) of property with a long driveway. I don't own a snow shovel and my car cleaning impliment is broken. All my fault...negligence. Can't seem to bring myself to accept the inevitability of snow and sleet.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,--I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!--and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death

~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Saturday!

I love, love, love, love, love Saturday!

I didnt roll out of bed until about 10:30...my automatic coffee maker is on the fritz...so I have been making "old skool" percolator coffee..and its damned good! I may never go back.

Bernie stopped by with Genevieve, she needed a little pre-party prep....aka: lint and loose thread removal, braids, and the finishing touch...girlie glitter. She is such a lovely child, just a bit of attention to detail and she is magnificient.
Can't fault Bernie for that...he's a guy, and not the least bit metrosexual. I just hate the thought of anyone looking at Genevieve and saying...oh, the motherless child. People can be so mean, especially were he has her going to school. The most image-centric prep school available. Sometimes she says things to me, that I know she probably wouldnt say to her dad, about her looks, how she feels...normal girl stuff...but someone is saying something to her to make her feel this way she is only five years old.... Maybe I am paranoid, but I know how cruel children can be. Im glad to be able to help.

I am burning Nag Champa to the chagrin of my kids. They HATE the aroma...but I love it. I am thinking about finishing up my porch project, I want to get it done, but I just need the spirit to move me.

I am more interested in my new
Seeds_of_Change catalog. I love to make things grow...and this is a great organic seed resource.

Well, I opted for Chili...Im gonna make the chili....its a great saturday thing.

For Chinese New Year...take this test:


All_Look_Same

WHAT ARE YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT?

so Im sitting here, eating wild yam soba noodle and mung bean sprouts with shrimp and ginger soy...okay. And I am thinking about all the things I am able of doing, that bring me much joy...that I never seem to have time to do...and this has to change.

The other night I asked Bernie "What are you passionate about" He gave me a list of things...none of which he ever does...and that is fine, because when you are a parent...it becomes apparent...that you have no time to do anything your really WANT to do...sacrifice is the name of the game....your life becomes clogged up with all the stuff you HAVE to do and less of anything that we used to be passionate about. Unless you are passionate about laundry and dishes and grocery shopping and so on and so on and so on.....

BUT WAIT....it doesnt have to be this way! I hereby submit a list of thing I want to do...AGAIN.

~sew (Ill be you didnt know that I can make clothes)
~watercolors (Ill bet you didnt know that I can paint...although I havent tried to even DRAW since my right arm was operated on...so I may not be able to paint :(
~cook great foods...well, I do this...I love nothing more than discovering a far out cuisine and recreating it in my kitchen....its like I get into the ZONE and no one can approach me...plus I have easy access to large knives and boiling pots of food...so you really want to stay away.)
~Knit ...I used to knit when I was a young girl. Its fun and relaxing. I could do this on the train....why dont I?

Im glad that I keep current with music. I think its hilarious when you meet someone my age (42) who still....when you ask them what their listening to says......The Beatles and Pink Floyd.

Im glad that I keep fairly current with modern authors.
I wish I didnt have to spend so much time concerned with my aging physicality. I hate what is happening to my body.
otherwise, life is good.

I am passionate about life in general about love and motherhood.

So, what are you all passionate about?
tell me...Id like to start a poll of what makes people happy.
photo_farmer@yahoo.com

The Road not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy, and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no steps had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

I have often taken the less travelled road
for the journey is not always so smooth
hence the arrive yet so sweet
To learn and see and know another way
to reach and touch the stars
and know I've tried
without regret, following my heart.

~a.o.

Today I am home...I just stoked up a blazing fire and I am trying to decide whether to prepare a nice pot of minestrone or a nice hearty pot of chili....umm...what you'd you prefer?
email me with your answer:
photo_farmer@yahoo.com

Much better now...thank you my love...

Sigur Ros. Icelandic hypnotic...where have you been all my life! I love this band.

CBS is here.

Hear HOWARD DEAN SCREAM!!!

http://barlowfarms.com/howarddean.wav

Well, I have not been having a great stretch of days. Heating problems, plumbing problems, internet problems, hormonal problems, teenager problems.

Bernie took care of the heating and internet debacle. He is a wonderful friend. It must be great to have vast knowledge of all sorts of things. He is one well-rounded dude. I feel so helpless and totally clueless when it comes to household repair. Once I removed a lighting fixture and installed a new one. That was a big electrical triumph, if you ask me. I had to cut off the electrical zone and do the wiring...and it worked! Big Triumph, that.

The plumbing issues are just a mainstay of my domicle. They come and go with the seasons. Frozen leech fields and citronella ants....depending on the season....my dishwasher backs up into my shower and my bath water won't go down....BUT HEY...I have a roof over my head and HEAT!

I felt so badly for the myriad of homeless in Penn Station today keeping out of the cold. I cannot imagine what that might be like. I am devestated just walking 24 blocks. The cold is so cutting...oh man, I hate the thought. Why does it have to be COLD like THIS!!

Tomorrow, CBS Morning News is taping at Meetup. CNN was back in today...to interview Scott. Well...its all good.

Eventually it will warm up again...isn't there something called a JANUARY THAW?? When does THAT happen? My pipes need to thaw out.

Stay warm.

*if the sun refused to shine,
I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea,
There will still be you and me.

I give you my all, nothing more.
Little drops of rain whisper of the pain,
Tears of loves lost in the days gone by.
My love is strong, with you there is no wrong,
Together we shall go until we die.
My, my, my, an inspiration is what you are to me,
Inspiration, look see.
And so today, my world it smiles,
Your hand in mine, we walk the miles,
Thanks to you it will be done,
For you to me are the only one.
Happiness, no more be sad,
Happiness....I’m glad.

http://press.meetup.com/

Copy and paste the link above to see the MEETUP CNN SPOT....or you could wait till later when I insert the hyperlink...

http://www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/episodes/01162004


Will Meetup Rebuild America?

There is a national crisis happening right now in America. It’s not the economy, or the war, or mad cow disease. It’s picnics. According to Harvard professor Robert Putnam, America is facing a national picnic crisis. Putnam says that in 1975 the average American went on five picnics. Today, the average American only goes on two. He also says that social isolation may be as big of a risk factor for death as smoking—it may even be bigger.

Can websites like Meetup.com help solve this problem? Can they get Howard Dean elected president?

yay! its my birthday!

My family and friends around me. Lots of love and laughs. This is what life is all about.

Bernie made everything wonderful today. I am so grateful to have such a wonderful, caring, loving man in my life. I treasure him. I have never encountered anyone as kind, compassionate and loving yet with such inner strength. I love and respect him more than I dreamed possible.

I know and will never take for granted all that makes him who he is...We have both been through way too much to disgregard the intimate bond we share on so many levels. I feel blessed.

Last night, Bernie and I saw an awesome show. Our local NPR affliate and cool music radio station,

The_Night_Songwriters_Showcase. The show opened with Mark Geary, Irish transplant, whos brother owns, Sin E in the East Village....(second Sin E reference today...) He performed with Brendan O'Shay...they were both intense and fun.

Then came Mike Errico....the reason why I wanted to come to this show. He is a very passionate, engaging performer...using an unconventional style.....I can't go into it now...its too late. Just know this...If you have the opportunity to see him live, GO. You wont be disappointed. Bernie bought me both of his CDs and I had them autographed.

Jonatha Brooke, was okay...Her guitars are very clean and shiney and she wore a cool shirt, but all of her songs were bitter and depressing.

So we had a great evening...perfect kick off for my Birthday!

HOLYCRAP!
Did you see me on CNN tonight? Well, I was only on at the end of a segment for like a second...Should have worn a jacket. Anyway...good interview about Meetup on CNN tonight.
I'll try to get a link soon.

Beauty is Truth and Truth, Beauty.
This is all ye ever need to know.
~John Keats.

Call me! Im almost finished with work....

ITS SNOWING!
Second big snow of this winter, first of this year. Today was a pretty good day. I found out that I can download music off of our VAST server into my minidisc player...yay! Meetup has an incredible array of music on its servers....oh man, this is sooo good.

I'm extremely tired this evening. I fell asleep around 8:30 but woke up around 10 when Bernie called.....I should have gone back to sleep as he insisted (I really don't sleep all that much) but I need to type up a document.

Tonight was the Fotolog Meetup, but, its just too cold to stay out in the city. I couldnt wait to get home. Bernie picked up tickets to the "Songwriters Showcase" this friday...I really wanted to see that ....Im so glad he remembered.
My birthday is on Sunday too. I can't believe another year has gone by.

Well...thats all for now. I feel happy.

Peter_Tchaikovsky woke me this morning with "A Children's Song"...I couldnt get out of bed till 6:00 am. So...I'm running late....its very cold.

SEE....Meetup on
ABC_EVENING_NEWS

i spun a web, it's tangled up with me,
and i lost my head,
the thought of all the stupid things i said,
what's this?
a spider web, and i'm caught in the middle,
i turned to run,
the thought of all the stupid things i've done,

i never meant to cause you trouble
and i never meant to do you wrong,
and i, well if i ever caused you trouble
i never meant to do you harm

a spider web and it's me in the middle,
so i twist and turn
here am i in love in a bubble.

Please forgive me
If I act alittle strange
For I know not what I do.
Feels like lightning running through my veins
Everytime I look at you

Help me out here
All my words are falling short
And there's so much I want to say
Want to tell you just how good it feels
When you look at me that way

Throw a stone and watch the ripples flow
Moving out across the bay
Like a stone I fall into your eyes
Deep into some mystery

I got half a mind to scream out loud
I got half a mind to die
So I won't ever have to lose you
Won't ever have to say goodbye
I won't ever have to lie
Won't ever have to say goodbye

This morning I woke to "Nessum Dorma" an aria from the
Giamcomo_Puccini Opera, "Turandot" Below is the story of Turandot...for today's addition of my musical college of knowlege...enjoy! Last night I learned a lot of things, thought about things that I had not considered, the ramifications of my life thus far and honestly facing who I am now. I felt badly as if, "who would want me?" But then again...who wouldn't? All my life I've come from a place of Love. I cannot recall an evil motivation for any actions. The worst emotion was probably jealousy...back in the day. I've learned hard lessons on trust, who to trust...and who NOT to trust. One thing I know now is what I want...and what is unacceptable. This is all good. Life is beautiful and exciting...I love everyday.

Turandot, the title role, is the name of an icy princess who because of the tumultuous past of her ancestress, developed a Freudian fear of men who wish to win her love. With the reluctant agreement of her father, the Emperor, she announced publicly that whoever wishes to win her hand in marriage has to answer three riddles, failng which they will lose their head. Through this arrangement, many princes who had dared to make the bid had lost their lives in the gambit. It turns out that an unknown prince, Calaf, succeeds in answering her three riddles and in an act of generosity and love offers Turandot a chance to discover his name. If she succeeds by daybreak, he will willingly die. As it goes, the Princess orders that the entire country shall not sleep till the name of the prince is found; while the prince confidently muses on the words of the princess "None shall sleep" in the famous aria "Nessun dorma".

In a fateful turn of events, a servant girl Liu, who is in love with the Prince, is secretly caught and questioned by the Princess. Pronouncing her love for the Prince, she laments the paradox that should she reveal the Prince’s name, she would lose her love to the Princess by his death; on the other hand, should she keep quiet, she would lose her love to the Princess by their marriage. Caught in this difficult dilemma and tortured by the Princess’ men, she commits suicide to the surprise of the Princess, after expressing that her strength comes from Love.

Prince Calaf reproaches Turandot for her cruelty and then despite her horrified protests, he tears away her veil and kisses her forcibly. Shaken by the events and her resolution dissolving under the power of Calaf’s confidence, she admits that she had both loved and feared him since she first saw him. As dawn breaks, Prince Calaf reveals his name to the Princess and thus puts him in her power.

At dawn however, when Turandot and Calaf appears before the Emperor, she declares that the name of the stranger is Love.

Justified

My story bores me now. Its outrageous to some, mundane to others. Judgements are natural...and I simply cannot waste time thinking back on it...reliving it. Feeling the pain over and over...like picking a scab.

Stuff has to be known, its important. I want to know everything. Good, bad, evil, beautiful.

I think of what you had to live with as a child and then as a man. My life pales in comparison. This is nothing to what you've had to endure.

The best that I can be is now. The best that I can be....is now. Better yet to come. Better yet to come.

I know what I know. I love who I am...all of it. No shame, no secrets, no lies, no sorrows.

You are the only one who knows me...all of me.
I want to make you happier than you could ever dream. I want to walk into the light of a brand new beautiful day full of hope and promise. We've been through the fires....never again. I'll won't let you down, my friend...Lets have some fun.

Good Morning..
This morning I rose to J.S. Bach ....one of the many movements of the
Brandenburg_Concertos the exact movement did not register at this hour. They say its going to snow. I am cooking jasmine rice. yoga time...ciao for now
Have a wonderful Day...Don't worry...all is as it is supposed to be.

Here is an interesting blog written by an
Army_soldier_in_Iraq

This weekend was interesting. I spent most of it with my sister in law Laura, mostly listening. I created a fine meal, and now I know what that dal soupy thing is that is served over rice at Sirtaj. I purchased most of the key spices for Indian cuisine and have found that it is not so mysterious. I look forward to further discovery.

So, I bring the food over to Bernie's house and he put on a CD of Ravi Shankar Ragas. I was wearing a themed outfit as well. We should have lit up a Nag Champa for the full effect. It was quite a hypnotic evening even without it.

I am seriously considering changing some of my wardrobe to include a Sari. There is a shop on 6th Ave called, "Royle Sari" next week I'd like to stop in...I think they sew custom Saris. The fabrics are incredible. I could probably sew my own...they don't seem all that complicated.

Ill need to bring my sewing machine for service.

well....tomorrow comes early...up and out to gotham. Good night, Gentle Reader.

Crazy how it feels tonight
Crazy how you make it all alright love
Crush me with the things you do
And I do for you anything too
in this moment it feels so right

I am at your feet
God I want you so badly
And I wonder this
Could tomorrow be
So wondrous as you there sleeping
Let's go drive 'till morning comes
And watch the sunrise and fill our souls up

It's crazy I'm thinking
Just knowing that the world is round
And here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
And is this real or am I dreaming

Let me drink you please
Won't spill a drop, no, I promise you
Lying under this spell you cast on me
Each moment
The more I love you
Crush me

I will treat you sweetly
Adore you I mean you crush me
And it's times like these
When my faith I feel
And I know how I love you

It's crazy I'm thinking
Just as long as you're around
And here I'll be dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
To each other we'll be facing
My love
By love
We'll beat back the pain we've found
You know
I mean to tell you all the things I've been thinking deep inside
My friend
Each moment the more I love you

So much you have given love
That I would give you back again and again
Oh my love
Meaning I'll hold you
But please please just let me always

Crush ~ Dave Matthews

Its cold outside
The kind of cold that kills. Killer Cold. Its like...7 f. why does it have to be so cold? What function in nature does SUCH severe cold serve?

Tonight Bernie invited me to attend a "coffeehouse" (sort of a talent show) at the highschool where he teaches. I was happy to go with him..really glad he invited me. Ironically, I was having a conversation with my friend stacie regarding a fellow whom she had recently, "given the shoe"...she states...." he kept me around like the just in case girl Never introduced me to his friends.

That made me think. I haven't met anyone from Bernie's life. I started to feel a bit dismayed. He isnt a big socializer nor does he have a large close family as I do...but it was making me think.

Then...as if he read my mind...(as he often can do) he called an invited me to this function, a somewhat public situation, co-workers and students. It was interesting to see him wearing his teacher hat. He is very firm, yet still relaxed. Energetic, bright...alive... So, I don't have that feeling any more.

Not that I doubted Bernie, ever. Bernie is the clearest soul I have ever met. I love that about him. He is genuine. He is vastly intelligent, yet uncomplicated by mental minutia. I love having conversation with him. Listening to him talk. The sound of his voice. I ask him open ended questions just to hear his free-thinking opinions. I love him...I can't help it.

Even though I have much to do with Howard Dean's internet campaign, I don't really know if I fully support him.
This email from Bill Bradley (NJ boy) is very powerful and convincing...what I love is the dead-on accuracy of how most Americans feel about politics today...and yes, the Deanies are really trying to make a difference, its exciting to be a part of this moment in history.
read on:

Bradley writes in a fundraising letter to Dean supporters:
"Today I am proud to announce that I have endorsed Howard Dean and joined your
campaign as its 557,983rd member. Your work on this campaign offers
America new hope. ... In a world in which politics is a spectator sport
and for many people campaigns mean sitting at home passively being
manipulated by attack ads and half-truths, your campaign engages active
participation -- not from those who want special favors later, but from
those who dream of building a better world now" (e-mail, 1/6).



_________________________________________

HOME

boiled a pot of eggs. put them in a white bowl. simple, beautiful.

today I feel like doing nothing. I will though...do things.
work
yoga
take down the x-mas tree
laundry
clean the stove

I want to move my computer kit-and-caboodle into my dining room and free up some living room space.
but what I really want to do is have dinner at Moonstruck. I've still never been there and they have live jazz on friday nights. maybe one fine friday.

Im just really tired. I need to sleep.

This morning I woke to a sonata composed by
Ottorino_Respighi again bathed in moonlight. Its freezing cold outside.

I sauteed 7 large shirmp with mung beans and various veg over sobo noodles for lunch...yum! okay...yoga-time.

Well Loved.....yes.

ahhhh....I had a wonderful evening. Tonight was a great night. I received a gift in the mail....had a fantastic night with Bernie....as of midnight, my Dean Meetup rating are close to perfect ...AND...my Gold Cam is back on Fotolog!

I love life!

Deaniacs

Tonight is the Dean 2004 Meetup. Like, my entire work life revolves around tonights success (my function at the moment is to organize this big monthy party..every first Wednesday of the month).

Who knew Meetup could help organize and perhaps help elect the next leader of the Free World? Power to the People!

oh boy..Im having some really negative thoughts right now. I really need to get some sleep. you think you know a person...and then....they say a few key phrases.... Oh well, I'm sure that I am over-thinking as usual. I need to be very careful now. All will soon be revealed.

Tuesday

This morning I woke up bathed in Moonlight to the late Baroque stylings of
Domenico_Scarlatti a sonata for harpsicord. Reminded me of Mrs. Rapp in Colorado Springs. Remind me to write about her one day.

Otherwise, day two of my reinvention is going well.

Monday

So far today has gone according to plan, except for the rain. I woke up at 5am...made coffee...folded and put away a load of laundry while coffee brewed. Did my fotolog and blog stuff...then yoga...then shower...then woke up the kids, made lunches for everyone...including ME! (I've decided to try and bring my lunch...I have a cool plan...always have rice in the fridge, add chicken or shrimp (leftovers from the previous night...today was chicken.. then top it off with frozen veg..add the rice....it stays cold till I get to manhattan)

Drove Pherrin and Gina to school.....precisely at 7am..then had enough time to get to Belmar and purchase my monthly ticket for the train. So...all and all it was great, except for the rain....and even that would be okay, if I had an umbrella...!

to live a life of beauty and truth.

I woke up this morning to James Galway and the Chieftan's rendition of "Irish Dance in the Morning Early". Something of the Irishers...Up Early...Rovers...Dreamers....Lovers of Beauty and Truth.

I play the wild rover no more.

I've been a wild rover for many's the year
And I've spent all my money on whiskey and beer
But now I'm returning with money in great store
And I never will play the wild rover no more.
Chorus:
And it's no, nay, never
No, nay, never,
no more
Will I play the wild rover
No, never, no more!
I went into an ale-house I used to frequent
And I told the landlady me money was spent
I asked her for credit - She ordered me out
"Such a custom as yours I can sure live without".
(Chorus)
Then out of my pocket I took sovereigns bright
And the landlady's eyes opened wide with delight
She said, "I have whiskey and wines of the best
And the words that I spoke sure were only in jest".
(Chorus)
I'll go home to my parents confess what I've done
And they'll open their arms to their prodigal son
And when they've embraced me as oft-times before
I never will play the wild rover no more.
(Chorus)

Haircut 100

Got my hair cut today. Its less wild. Thinned out...if you will. Embarking on the new family lifestyle tomorrow...diet wise.
Exercised tonight...want to wake up early tomorrow for Yoga. Gotta get back into the swing of good life again. Everything is better with lots of H2O and exercise. oh..and love. everything is better with love added value...

The worst type of desolation is a life without close friends. Call a friend today...make a friend today if you need one. Friends are great! Remember, however, to have a friend, you must BE a friend.

I heard a new band on the Brookdale station called, "Sun Kill Moon" and I love them. I dont know if I am spelling their name correctly because there is nothing about them when they are Googled. I want to know more about them...I want their CD.

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

The past few mornings I've been waking up...working for about 3 hours cooked a big breakfast for my family and carrying on.
Today...I woke up, worked for 3 hours and cooked a big breakfast for my family and now I want to curl up and watch movies for the rest of the day. But I can't. I have to go grocery shopping and do laundry and go to the MALL (YUCK!) Girls have to spend money. Its a perfect day to do nothing

Oh I want to do nothing so much.

You offend reason!
I should like to offend it with you!

Holy Smokes! I'm a Gramma.

Today my granddaughter, Sydney was born. 9lbs...I dont have all the details yet. Today was a crazy day. I woke up late, missed the train in Belmar...caught it in Asbury...dragged my way up the Avenue....our elevator was out of order...walked up 12 flights. The stairway door was locked...so we all waited around for hours til someone with the correct key came in. Then I was handed a huge automation project. Then Sydney was born...I ran down the Ave...almost missed the train...but had no ticket and had to pay the insane surcharge. Tonight Bernie took us all to see Peter Pan. Really good movie. the children are just beautiful. I cried of course....

I've been trying to sleep, but cannot. Its taking a toll on my complexion. Im eating Stoneyfield Farms Fat Free French Vanilla yogurt...I love that stuff!

Lights go out and I can't be saved
Tides that I tried to swim against
Have brought me down upon my knees
Oh, I beg, I beg and plead

Come out of things unsaid
a trouble that can't be named
Tigers waiting to be tamed, you are

Confusion never stops
Closing walls and ticking clocks
Gonna come back and take you home
I could not stop but you now know

Come out upon my seas,
Cursed missed opportunities
Am I a part of the cure?
Or am I part of the disease?

You are.

And nothing else compares

You are

Home

where I want to go

Nick Drake: "Time Has Told Me"

Time has told me you're a rare, rare find, a troubled cure for a troubled mind. And time has told me not to ask for more. Someday our ocean will find its shore. So I'll leave the ways that are making me be what I really don't want to be, Time has told me you came with the dawn, a soul with no footprint, a rose with no thorn. Your tears, they tell me there's really no way of ending your troubles with things you can say. And time will tell you to stay by my side, to keep on trying till there's no more to hide. So leave the ways that are making you be what you really don't want to be. Time has told me you're a rare, rare find, a troubled cure for a troubled mind. And time has told me not to ask for more, for someday our ocean will find its shore.

I am tired.
I am so tired.
this year I need to sleep more.

Change is good.

I'm glad that I remain open to change. I was reading a blog that Ive followed for a few years and had not visited in about 6 months. Its amazing that the chap who writes this blog has not changed one bit...even after finding and marrying the alleged woman of his dreams. Still bemoaning the same issues...I mean, okay...some people have REAL problems, but this guy just cannot see the forest for the trees.

I suppose its just a matter of perspective and patience. For me...its also a matter of hormones and phases of the moon. I always know when I am going to pull out of my sometimes funk. I start realizing that I am who I am and I like who I am and nothing outward will change who I am

Sometimes I feel like I could never fit into society. Loner. Then I think...why? Okay..so I don't want to bend to the expectations of society at large...no, I don't want to be a soccer mom and drive a minivan and have perfect hair. I want to be forever passionate about life and where mine is headed...excited for the budding lives of my children. I want them to not be afraid and achieve their dreams. And I remember that no outward appearance can take this away from me. Even if I do end up driving a minivan.

I feel cloudy sometimes. then, cloudy...bright. Then bright and optimistic. Now I feel bright and optimistic. I feel light and child-like...and all my senses are alight. Like....when I look at Bernie and he knows what I am thinking. He knows my heart. His intuition startles me, but its so amazing. He knows what I need without my ever asking. I love that he is always kind. No matter what, he is always patient and understanding. I wonder if he ever gets angry? I have witnessed cranky..and frustrated..but not anger.

I love that he is always kind to his daughter. She will know how a man should treat her and not go through years of abuse...she will know better right from the start. Daddies need to be good to their little girls. Gina and I marvel at Bernie...thinking of how we were ignored by our own Fathers. However, that is the way it was....nothing can change it now.....but I have been able to break away from men who treat me in a manner I do not appreciate....

Bernie should be on a pedestal. A shining example of how a man should be. I love you, Bernie. Stay Beautiful.