I'm hopelessly in love with a wonderful guy.

young people care about tv. I guess some older people do. well, i guess people of all walks of life care about TV
I dont care about TV.

There is this one boy that is making my worklife miserable. He doesnt care, he said he is the most hated person at Meetup and hes comfortable with that. I think that is horrible. Meetup is supposed to be about getting people together not creating anomosity. Backstabbers and tattletales have no place. He may as well go on "the apprentice".

I hope it gets better soon.

I worry
I throw my fear around
But this morning
There's a calm I can't explain

By the time I recognize this moment
This moment will be gone
But I will bend the light pretending
That it somehow lingered on

I will wait to find
If this will last forever

Was there a second of time I looked around?
Did I sail through or drop my anchor down?
Was anything enough to kiss the ground
And say I'm here now?

So much wasted in the afternoon
So much sacred lost

Worried about no rainy weather
And I will waste no time
Remaining in our lives together

Congratulations, angela!
Your IQ score is 120

Your Intellectual Type is Word Warrior. This means you have exceptional verbal skills. You can easily make sense of complex issues and take an unusually creative approach to solving problems. Your strengths also make you a visionary. Even without trying you're able to come up with lots of new and creative ideas. And that's just a small part of what we know about you from your test results.

I took the country quiz again for the 110th time....

You're
the United Nations!

Most people think you're ineffective, but you are trying to
completely save the world from itself, so there's always going to be a long
way to go.  You're always the one trying to get friends to talk to each
other, enemies to talk to each other, anyone who can to just talk instead of
beating each other about the head and torso.  Sometimes it works and sometimes
it doesn't, and you get very schizophrenic as a result.  But your heart
is in the right place, and sometimes also in New York.
face="Times New Roman">Take the Country
Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

Spring Cleaning-Most of the Weekend.

Today, despite last nights horrible pain I woke up early. Im amazed, because I took 2 tylenol PM just to stop my legs from torturing me and get to sleep....approximately 2am.

So anyway, I woke up around 6:33 (its always 6:33 on the weekend) decided it was entirely too early so went back to sleep until 8:30. Got out of bed, drove to Wawa for a coffee, and went grocery shopping. Beating the crowds is good. This chore has to be done, best to get it out of the way early.

I came home, cooked pancakes, bacon, eggs and more coffee for the fam. Decided, its a good day to have an early dinner, so I started a pot roast and baked a lemon meringue pie.

Now I am switching to spring drapery in the living room and then going to finish cleaning upstairs.

It feels good to get a lot of things accomplished. Time management has met its finest hour.

I know it hurts, I know you're scared walking down the road that leads to who knows where. Don't you hang your
head don't you give up yet when courage starts to disappear I will be right here.

When your world breaks down and the voices tell you turn around. When your dreams give out I will carry you
When the stars go blind and the darkness starts to flood your eyes. When you're falling behind, I will carry you.

Everyboday cries, Everybody bleeds, No one ever said that lifes an easy thing. Thats the beauty of it, when you lose your way, close your eyes and go to sleep and wake up to another day.

You should know now that you're not alone. Take my heart and we will find, you will find, your way home.

When your dreams give out I will carry you, carry you. When the stars go blind and the darkness starts to flood your eyes. When you're falling behind, I will carry you, carry you

sometimes I have extreme pain. It keeps me up all night. I worry because I don't have health insurance. its weird deep pain in my legs and arms and neck. I guess its nothing...maybe age?

peanut butter, why do I love you so?
why do you tease me with your creamy salty goodness.

THIS is really funny. Take the "counrty quiz" and the "book quiz" its the most i've laughed in weeks! Over and Over.

I am Thailand btw.

Just feeling life is beautiful. The importance of children. Want to change the world, have a child and raise them well. Why are we here if not to love and enhance each others lives? The impact we make by small gestures of kindness. A simple smile or hello bringing yourself out...thats all.

Not much to say.
Everything to do.

Work is overwhelming
Home is out of control

Love is grand!

So, I received my inheritance of a solid mahogany circa 1928 Jenny Lind bedroom suite. Its very delicate. I am thinking my bedroom looks like a bed and breakfast room. Bernie has been working very hard helping me refurbish the room. To day he fixed the door ways added new door knobs and door stops. He shaved down the edge of the door so that it would smoothly close. THere is much to do. He dismantled a really cheap old dresser I had yesterday and hauled it away. He bought all sorts of wires and extensions so that we can move "PC Central" from my living room to my dining room. So much yet to do. More furniture to remove, boxes to be packed and stored. Old unneeded clothing to give to charity.

Now I must drive 4 15 year old girls and one 15 year old boy to the movies...ciaoooo

When somebody loves you
It's no good unless he loves you - all the way
Happy to be near you
When you need someone to cheer you - all the way

Taller than the tallest tree is
That's how it's got to feel
Deeper than the deep blue see is
That's how deep it goes - if its real

When somebody needs you
It's no good unless he needs you - all the way
Through the good or lean years
And for all the in between years - come what may

Who know where the road will lead us
Only a fool would say
But if you'll let me love you
It's for sure I'm gonna love you - all the way.

Its snowing!

Amazing snow in March.

I'm thinking of starting a new blog entitiled, "Train Diaries" or "Transit Memoires" or "Commute Exchange"...something like that.... Everyday, I am told or overhear amazing and not so amazing stories during my commute on NJ TRANSIT. Its interesting.

I've been reading John Irving's memoir. Its got me thinking about creative writing....and this whole blogissimo world.

I feel really strange and alone. Don't know why. I feel a weird fear. Generally fearless, this is sort of freaking me out. I feel vulnerable. I guess all of the stuff happening in the past few weeks is starting to hit me. My grandmother dying...yesterday looking through a bunch of her things that my mom brought back. Thinking about all of her cool vintage clothing and shoes were wasted in some thrift shop in Sparta PA...because no one that was there realized how cool her stuff is. This makes me sick.

For some reason, I inherited her awesome bedroom suite circa 1928. I never had anything this nice. I mean, when I was a kid living with my parents I had a gorgeous bedroom, canopy double bed and full stop french provincale everthing. On my own I never had anything but left overs off the street...oh I did buy a few things, don't get me wrong, but mostly its hand-me-downs.

This bedroom is also hand-me-down. HA! oh well.

I'm trying to figure out why I feel so inadequate today. strange. Perhaps because my parents are visiting? They have a tendency to make me feel like I am 12, like...totally subconsciencely on my part...it just surfaces like now. I have that childlike inner fear. WHY? WHY? WHY? They are totally cool people. Its me. Me and My Hormones. I had some in tense hot flashes this morning too.

Bernie helped me a great deal today also, and I feel undeserving of this help. I don't know where that comes from either. If someone is offering and I need the help I should accept it gracefully and not feel ashamed. I suppose its the sin of pride that keeps me feeling that I am wrong to accept assistance...even from those who love me? There is something wrong with that. I guess I just feel that he has so many demand on him, that I don't want to be another burden. I want to help him, walk hand in hand with him, but mostly I feel that he is lifting me and I do nothing to help him....that is probably a wrong perception on my part as well, I mean, if he were not reaping some sort of benefit from this relationship he wouldnt stay.

I think there is something upsetting him lately, but he won't tell me what. I notice a difference in him.

I need to go to sleep.

surrounded
small
jumping up and down
twinkle
laughing
silence
the sound

swirling
comfort
shame
less
adequate
shy

hes everything
make him know
lover - leader
friend - partner
I see you
make me know

Satur-yay.
I have a lot to say, however, it will have to wait until after I clean the cat box, wash the floors, scrub the stove, do the laundry and go to the boardwalk! yay!

Easy Listeners

I do this thing. When I really like a CD I listen to it over and over and over. There is one CD that I cannot stop listening to: Parachutes from Coldplay. Its thier first CD to make it big. I don't know why I find it eternally gripping.

One of my favorite songs is:
SHIVER

On and on from the moment I wake
To the moment I sleep’
I’ll be there by your side’
Just you try and stop me’
I’ll be waiting in line’
Just to see if you care.

Did she want me to change
But I change for good.
And I want you to know.
But you always get your way’
I wanted to say’

Don’t you Shiver Shiver’ Shiver

I’ll always be waiting for you’
So you know how much I need ya’
But you never even see me’ do you

And this is my final chance of getting you.

On and on from the moment I wake....
Did she want me to change...

Sing it loud and clear.
I’ll always be waiting for you.
Yeah I’ll always be waiting for you.

And it’s you I see’ but you don’t see me.
And it’s you I hear’ so loud and clear.
I sing it loud and clear.
And I’ll always be waiting for you’.

So I look in your direction’
But you pay me no attention’
And you know how much I need you’
But you never even seen me.

Whirlwinds

Sunday we were in attendance at the 100th annual Belmar St. Patricks Day parade. I just couldnt deal with the crowds, wind, cold...someone had the bright idea to duck into "Dom's Pizza King" for Green Pizza. It was horrible...albeit, green.

Monday Bernie and I attended my Grandmother's funeral in lovely Newton, NJ. I didn't feel sad at all. I guess because she was so old and really her quality of life was so deteriorated, it was a blesssing she passed on. Since I believe in Heaven...its a good thing. Although, we never really know until we die what lies beyond. I hope its good times!

Tuesday I went back to work. I was touched by the outpouring of kind thoughts and words from my co-workers regarding my grandmother's passing. They sent me an arrangement of flowers from my "Meetup Family" and a nice card. Really unexpected! Its great working for such caring people.

Wednesday TODAY...is my daughter pherrin's 15th birthday. Again, I have no money. I just checked my balance and I have $21.34 until the 15th. ARGHHH! This was a costly period. Bernie's birthday...monthly train ticket, overdue cable bill..ugh! I just don't know where the money goes, honestly. Lately..there just isn't enough to span the pay period. Well, its been a costly few weeks, lots of overdue bills needed to be paid from Christmas, etc.

Anyway, I have to figure out Pherrins party...they have an orthodontist appointment at 5pm. grrr. I don't know why I took that timeslot...I guess i thought I would come home from work early..but that makes NO SENSE. MUST FOCUS.

My dad and brother drove in from Florida and arrived on my doorstep after the burial yesterday. I have my dad sleeping on my couch...he won't accept a bedroom and my brother is sleeping on the floor. Oh yes. There is a guest apartment across the drive but my dad says its too cold to stay there. He doesnt like being alone....my mom is still up in Newton sorting out my grandmother's affects. This is going to be a helluva day.

oh yeah....almost forgot!
If anyone is interested, we are (Meetup) gonna be featured again on CBS SUNDAY MORNING tomorrow (which is Sunday) at 8 - 10 am

Oh Gina...you dropped your new norah jones CD in my driveway...it got all wet, but I dried it off and I've been listening to it non-stop all day...its fabulous! thanks for dropping it!

Sweethearts
(rolling stones)

Everybody needs someone
To tell their troubles to
To share the pain and laughter
In a world beset with fools
To help you with your ups and downs
Someone to heal your wounds
So we’re

Sweethearts together
When two hearts beat as one
Sweethearts together
We’ve only just begun
Sweethearts forever
Two hearts together as one
As one

Everyone so cynical
And says that love won’t last
Think about your future
Stop living in the past
Time’s not standing still
So stop looking through those tinted glasses

But love is never easy
It’s never silky smooth
There’s always something tempting
In the wilderness of youth
But I will stay right by your side
The truth will out, you’ll realize
We’re

Sweathearts together we’ve only just begun
Sweathearts together
So glad I found someone
Sweethearts forever
Two hearts together as one

"I want you to say that I tried to love and serve humanity... say that I was a drum major for justice; say that I was a drum major for peace; I was a drum major for righteousness... I just want to leave a committed life behind."

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Post-Dean Phenom.

Mike Moore: Grass roots.com
By Mike Moore

OK, here's a quick math problem. You've got 183,000 people, a Web site
and a presidential candidate. Take away the candidate and what've you
got left? The answer came Wednesday night, as about three dozen Howard
Dean supporters showed up at Milwaukee's Bean Head Cafe for the monthly
session organized through something called meetup.com.

Since their beloved candidate stopped chasing the ultimate bone a
couple of weeks ago, I figured the answer to the problem would be easy:
You've got squat. Well, for a wake, this gathering seemed pretty dang
chipper. The noises emanating from the cafe's back room were whistles
and cheers, not uncontrolled sobs.

All right, so maybe you've got some good memories. A few people spoke
up and expressed their disappointment that the campaign fell short.
They got a little dark humor out of the fact Dean won his only state,
his home state of Vermont, after he'd dropped out. Still, this didn't
have the feel of a wrapup event, especially since some came for the
first time.

Everybody wanted to fight on, either through local elections or by
continuing to push their guy's positions. The real answer, then, is you
take away the candidate and you've still got a boatload of motivated
people.
Campaigns and candidates want us," said Jay Bullock, 29, of Milwaukee,
a co-host of the meetup. "We are a coveted constituency."

In fact, the politicians lined up to covet that crowd. Candidates for
Milwaukee mayor and the U.S. House of Representatives, plus proxies for
a couple others, took turns begging for votes.

How did this group, many of whom had never even handed out a flier for
a candidate, pile up so much political clout? We're talking about
ordinary people, like teachers, bailiffs, nurses, religious educators
and a few retirees.

A lot of it's due to a single Web site, meetup.com. Previously it had a
peaceful existence as a relatively unknown Web site that brought
together people with common interests who might not have ever met
otherwise. They'd join the group online, plan a time to get together
and then chill with other vampires, knitters, book readers, yoga
practitioners or whatever.

But, while those groups' membership tops out at a few thousand across
the U.S., the Dean meetups tore through that ceiling and kept going. As
of Thursday, more than 183,000 people nationwide subscribed to get
e-mails updating them on their local Dean get-togethers. Although
Racine isn't listed as an official meetup site, Bullock said events
were occasionally held here so local supporters wouldn't have to drive
as far.

"I've never been this active in a campaign before," said Rochelle
Riley, 61, who lives a couple of blocks from the Milwaukee meetup spot.
"It's really motivating to be with people in the same boat."

Fans of every candidate in sight have formed meetup groups. The
memberships of President George W. Bush and the guy he'll face, Sen.
John Kerry, should start to climb now.

Sure, the candidates do the motivating, but without a powerful tool
like the Internet, a lot of their backers would be all pumped up with
no place to go. After a while, the various meetup pages and the actual
campaigns seemed to merge. Some people at Wednesday night's Dean event
had never seen meetup.com.

Co-host Sarah Johaningsmeir, 29, of Milwaukee said they've had little
contact with the brainiacs behind the Web site.

"They definitely weren't expecting what happened," she said.

The Dean campaign dollars are absent now, but you won't find the meetup
members sulking at the knitting or Weblogging events. Johaningsmeir
remembers the early days before any campaign staffers ever set foot in
Wisconsin. Meetup members took charge, even using their own cash to
make all of the photocopies.

"It's back up to us," she said.

Whoever makes your political muscles smile, the 2004 election has
turned up a gem. You don't need a private jet to get involved. Grass
roots are growing out of your keyboard.

I am very much in love with a wonderful perfect man. Thank you for being you, Bernie. I love you more than words can say.

Anyone who reads this today, tell someone you care about just that....that you care for them. That you love them. Create and extend love today.

Margaret Harkins McNelis
1908 - 2004

This afternoon, my maternal grandmother died. She was the only grandparent I ever knew. I remember her more than my mother as a child. My brothers and I were all born one after the other (in the Irish Catholic tradition) So, my mom was busy as I was the oldest. My grandmother spent lots of time with me. I remember many things about her. We would play cards for hours. She told the most amazing stories. One of my favorites were her tales of living in the Essex House in NYC. She had a aqua and black plaid stove. She and my grandfather hob-nobbed with the stars of stage and screen (my grandfather was in publishing, New Movie Magazine was one of his most popular. Sometimes I post a cover on my Fotolog) anyway...she was a great person, incredibly imaginative and beautiful

She lived a long and not always so easy life. Towards the end she really barely remembered who we were, but eventually it came back to her. 95 years is a pretty long time to live. Farewell, Nanny.

A LOT GOING ON!
too much to write about...too busy to write! I'll try later. Have to take an early train into NYC today for our monthly meetup meeting in the new "space" downtown. ciao, the 6:57 calls.